Change in To-Do Lists

I am that person.  I like lists.  I usually make 'to-do' lists everyday.  I have a problem with not feeling adequate or well if I am not productive.  And I used to have some pretty crazy lists that most often included lots of big projects or reorganizing or cleaning.  Today one thing on my list was to shower.  Which at first I felt ridiculous about putting on lists, but I have found that it is one thing that is important  and sometimes seems to take the most amount of energy and/or time that I just don't have.

It took me a while to change my lists, and therefore a while to change my beliefs and feel like a productive member of society.  My lists now include dishes, laundry, buying groceries, and cooking dinner just to name a few.  Things that I used to take for granted, to not even consider being important enough to put on a list, now seem some days monumental to accomplish with my lack of free time (and energy).  And I am learning to become ok with that.  Here is why.

Because even with my now lame lists that don't always get accomplished, I do a ton of things everyday that aren't on the list.  Today after I woke up, I fixed breakfast for an insatiable child and a child who won't eat anything, and I somehow managed to get them both to eat and be satisfied.  I spent 20 minutes combing an afro into perfection and then I wrestled them both to brush their teeth.  I did laundry so a strong willed child could wear the exact outfit that he wanted.  I found precious toys that were missing and desperately wanted.  I washed sippy cups and changed what felt like 20 diapers.  I played with cars and trains, built forts and jumped on beds with said children.  Approximately every 120 seconds I mitigated fights forming over the not sharing of toys, and attempted to make them share and be kind.  I said prayers for more grace (which I needed to do about 70 million more times because of the aforementioned sharing battles).  I got them both to lay down for naps, and then repeated everything again for meals and playing.  I watched the movie Cars (for the 753 time) with an attempted enthusiasm as if it were my first time to see it.  I bathed them, read stories, rocked, snuggled and sang to them, and now I will go to bed and do this all again in a few short hours.  And none of these things were on my list, but they were so much more important.  And even in the very trying and stressful times, I have so much fun with my babies (who are getting too big).

You see, as far as being productive goes, I don't always feel that way.  But sometimes my sweet baby K is crying, and my other sweet baby Levi goes and finds her a toy to make her feel better, and I am reminded that maybe something is working and getting through to them.  That hopefully they are learning to share, and love and be kind.  And I hope that even when my words and lessons fail, my actions show them how to love others well by serving them, and putting that persons needs above their own.  I hope they learn from my actions the importance of taking care of things.  And I hope and pray that grace would abound in their lives, as I (struggle) to learn to show more grace to them, to Danny and to myself.  And when I think about those things, how much more productive can you get?