Lessons from Levi

I've seen laughing parents and grandparents say "Your kids always pay you back!" So I am not sure if this stage with Levi is just a good dose of well deserved karma or what. But I do know this, God is teaching me hard, yet much needed lessons through the fits with with 16 month old.

The fits start in the morning with the first meal. Levi loves applesauce and eats it everyday. But no longer does he want me feeding him, he wants to do it himself. I tried to reason with him that his motor skills aren't quite developed enough for applesauce, and for some reason that didn't work. I also know he needs to learn to use a spoon, and I do let him practice with more solid foods, but applesauce is just more of a mess than I can handle at 6 am. So he throws a fit. He grips tightly to the spoon to try and take it out of my hand. If he can't reach the spoon he begins throwing everything else off him highchair, throwing himself on top of his high chair, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Some mornings I just ignore these fits and get up and do the dishes, some days I just get him out of his high chair and sat him on the floor, so as to not encourage this behavior. But on the really weary days, I give him what he wants. I give him the spoon and applesauce, which is what he thinks he wants. He thinks he can do this himself. Of course, as you can imagine, he ends up wearing the applesauce, and/or it's all over the floor, while very little ends up in his mouth.

As exasperating as this is, God speaks loudly to me "This is just a small glimpse of how I feel." He wants to feed me richly through His word and Spirit, He wants the very best for my life. And instead of letting Him lead me, instead of dying to myself daily and following after Him, I act like a petulant child and insist on doing it my way. The result is I end up frustrated, still hungry, and awfully messy.

Yesterday I bought a 99 cent spill proof container of bubbles for Levi. I thought this would work out wonderfully. When Levi first saw the bubbles he loved them. He stared at them as if they were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. But then he wanted to hold the bubbles and blow them. I would let him play with them, but after he got frustrated about not being able to produce the same effect, I would take them and blow him some more bubbles. But he didn't even get to enjoy them this time. He missed them because the whole time this was happening, he was trying to pry the jar out of my hand.

That's when I was convicted again. How many times daily do I miss beautiful things God has orchestrated around me, all because I am trying to do things on my own.

I'm sure I will continue to see these lessons during many more fits. God will humbly show me how my 24 yr old self is so much like a toddler. And even though that's disappointing , I am glad to be learning these lessons, even if for what feels like the millionth time. Because in five years when I am almost 30 (yikes), I don't still want to be acting like a 2 year old.

I am so glad that Levi is independent, and I hope to be able to continue to foster that in him. But I also hope that he is able to see dependence on God in Danny and I, and that is something that is strongly seen in his life one day too.